Seeing Through Patriotism

How a cell absorbs all the needed nutrients from the body for its sustenance and growth, and how by being healthy and performing its function well it also contributes to the total health of body is a remarkable example of balancing selfishness and selflessness.

I still wonder how much truth is there in dying for country and its problems. It doesn’t align with nature’s lesson. But we put this act on pedestal because we are taught and conditioned to do so, without realising the suffering and helplessness that the person goes through.

Such thoughtless selflessness can not lead us to a balanced and better reality, but we have this habit to ignore nature’s intelligence and succumb to whatever our mind dictates.

Loving your country is one thing and sacrificing yourself out of this uncontrollable force of your deluded belief, which brings you to hate people cross border, develops in you an apathy and meaninglessness towards life, causes you to act as a robot towards senseless means without any inner freedom to see its truth for yourself and make a conscious choice, and ending up to throw away this precious present of life, is quite another.

I’m not asking you to be all loving and you can always have your preferences and likes and dislikes because that only is the reason for diversity in our expressions. If you are white, and may be you naturally don’t like black people, it’s okay. But once you have seen through the oneness of everything, you feel open within, not too trodden by your deluded thinking and mind’s projections, and then you will naturally never take an undue and harmful action towards you or towards the society. Though the word ‘dislike’ has a negative connotation in our mind, but it is simply one side of your preference and you can dislike something and still love it. Not that the ‘puppy love’ I am talking about!

Ask a soldier, if he loves what he does or if he likes the place and environment he lives in. May be out of his clingy egoic identity of country lover and an unconscious deeply rooted belief in his cause, he can say yes, but if only I could disembowel his thoughts, feelings and emotions that are rushing inside him and show it to you, you will know how shackled and choice-less he feels. He is not doing it out of joy/love, he is doing it out of force hurled upon him by his societal conditioning, political messiahs, and in a bid to trade his life to rise in the eyes of others.

Also, realistically, it’s not possible that a nation will not require any force or soldiers because a rift or dryness in the relationships of nations, which has been growing up over the time, can not diminish instantly. But if more and more humans start making a choice to choose wisdom/joy/love/peace over unconscious fights/servility/hatred/anger/spite, it has the power to shift the collective reality of earth towards balance gradually.

Serve your country but do not sacrifice yourself. Stop being an emotional pet and act as per wisdom. If you are English and next time you watch England vs Germany football match, support your country but also realise the inner freedom to face any result and enjoy it, a feeling of sadness can also be enjoyed if England loose, because you know it’s just a game!

Oh, and I am an Indian, and it’s a beautiful country with ravishing nature, rich culture and lovely people. Though it also has its vices, but I choose not to dwell on them. Come visit sometime.

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She in my life…

The first touch was hers
on my face those slithering fingers
the taste of grace, beauty and love together
such is a fondling mother

The tales of play and tease to remember
even the fights so severe couldn’t flinch
her presence in the end for my delicate care
such is a lovely sister

Then I fell in love with her
it was a beautiful surrender
sublimity or chaos it was perfectly rendered
such is an intimate lover

I see her everyday around me
living innumerable shades of life uniquely
with a hope in her eyes endlessly
such is a woman undoubtedly

She came in my life in forms differently
sometimes I failed to understand her
sometimes I failed to love but today
I want to walk with her with a promise
not to hold her hands so tightly
and let her waft in the breeze freely…

Happy Women’s Day 🙂

Hallelujah

Believe it or not pain can go deeper than love, and it is that beautiful sensation of sadness which we always run away from, when felt in its plain nakedness, without clinging to any idea of it being good or bad, that can crack open our heart. It’s a reviving heart attack!

If for once, you embrace, you welcome it in you, you will know it was love only, in the disguise of sadness, came to see and shove your heart into the hearth of life.

My heart wants to tear into pieces and those pieces want to flung apart when pain comes, when I listen to Hallelujah in Hannah’s voice, but what should I call it, if not love, that holds it, that binds it again and again. Seated in this roller coaster of life that swings me from ‘falling in love’ to ‘failing out of love’ so often, I am speechless to describe it, but somehow it all gets summed up and scattered in front of my eyes everytime you accompany my pain.

Listen to this hauntingly beautiful song! This is based on the poetry written by Leonard Cohen.

A letter to a loved one…

(This is a random letter to express a heartfelt thank to a loved one for her unfading touch, unmoving time and the undying trust, even amidst the difficult time she was living on with…)

It seems to be the appropriate time to thank you when today I feel our ways breaking away, a sadness shadowing inside me, tears approaching to eyelids and I feeling to let them fall, brain persistently questioning the happenings around, and yet heart snuggled beside me and saying the secret that love is not slender, it is substantial.

Both of us know the story of past that how it started with an infatuation, grew into an obsession and then turned into a deeper realization that what loving someone truly means. It’s the last part that brought me to bow to you for your grace and fired a light of love in me that will not douse even in the wildest winds. It’s the wake up call that you stirred up in me to come out of the story I was living in and see things as they were beyond the veils on my eyes. Speaking scientifically, I had vented out all the unnecessary cache of emotional imbalances by allowing them instead of suppressing during this course. Now the love for you was not an aching madness, it was an utter joy!

It’s also not so that I was free of all the humanly pain, but now I could welcome it as it is without letting it affect my peace and sanity. I felt a sense of oneness and sensed that loving you is no different than loving myself or loving anyone in the universe because it is all the same, and in parallel this feeling that loving someone uniquely and selfishly is also a beautiful human experience also entered in. Paradox, as it may sound, words can not suffice to make you believe unless you experience it yourself. I could also see through the lack oriented ideas projected by my mind that if I will lose you I will be doomed or I will not get any better relationship in future, and that’s why all the clinginess that I was imposing on you earlier. But by nature life is not lacking, it is abundant of experiences, experiences that aligns to your natural make up and desires! It’s only our imbalanced believes that make us feel stuck and resist the unfolding of life’s natural expression through us. Thus, all this gave me the power to love and let go at the same time and look at things from broader or cosmic context rather than limited and personal. This was also the reversal of the “place” where my desires were coming from e.g. before I wanted to be with you to quell my lonliness and now out of simple joy of it, before I was enforcing love on you out of desperation and now I simply loved you without conditions, before I felt that it will be the end of my sufferings if we happen to be together and now I feel it will be the start of a creative journey where both of us can participate in actualizing our dreams, and, before I wished my happiness with you and now I wish your happiness with anyone. I can talk on and on on this, but you will be bored, I know! So stopping here with a fondly smile for you!

Reminding of smiles, they have been the unfailing companion in our encounters, but I could also feel the pain that was behind your smiles. Unsaid and unexpressed, you have been hiding it, bearing it all all alone. Time has been troublesome for you since you left this place, and I also felt a pinch of it and a flutter that when it will end for you. You know , since the time we have met half of my all heartbeats timings have been assigned only for wishing for you! Wondering that there are so many things in this world to wish for and yet I am choosing you, yes, love is a selfish deal!

The connection we share with each other is beautiful. You happen to grace me with a dream and a loving sensation that allays all my woes whenever we talk or meet and I know you also love the smell of our togetherness. The friendship, the frankness and the flirtatiousness, I feel lucky for every flair of it. I least care for our connection’s culmination, but I deeply desire to cherish it in any form and endlessly. Still, girl, I couldn’t understand your heart quite. I couldn’t see its intentions clearly. May be it is not needed, may be all the confusion is to be embraced as it is, or maybe it holds something for us in the coming time. I’m smiling you know, and cunningly too!

When I imagine you today, I see you tied in shackles, while I want to see you as a free bird. Honestly, I will also not flatter you by saying that outside circumstances or people are responsible for all this because now I know that outside is just the reflection of your inside, so in essence, only you are responsible for the way you feel. Instead of taking the stories of your mind too seriously and personal, try to find who “you” are beyond stories, ever in peace, ever in love, and caressing everything be it your fear, pain, joy or love. It’s very obvious that unless you know your heart, you can’t make choices and you will keep dawdling. I used to be very weak in making choices and that’s why I left so many jobs out of boredom and confusion creeping in. But now I can take decisions consciously e.g. I recently visited my books wishlist in Amazon and scrapped off eighty percent books that I had saved for reading because I instantly knew that I didn’t want to read them. All I’m saying is that stop struggling, relax, face and know yourself, and come out of your bubble to enjoy the present which is a present given to you by life. There is no better or worse way of living, it just is and you withhold its blatant expression within you. Even the lives of a crippled beggar and a crowned emperor are not to be compared, both are beautiful in their own accord.

You are so beautiful, and loving you is so easy that even if you try to break my heart thousand times, only more and more light will gush out of it with the crevice getting larger with every strike you pound. So please, unhesitatingly, do it freely and whenever you want! And, I’m not kidding! I just wish that in doing that you could cheer as a flower, you could fall as the rain, you could fly as the singing bird, you could float as free waves and you could waft as far as breeze takes you. Another smile, with some wizardry!

I know you are a strong and mature girl, so you won’t be gullibly and emotionally influenced by my words and poetic appreciation, though you can enjoy it and see the truth in it yourself! I also intend not to influence you by any mean, it is just that today my heart is feeling low and wants you to know your own alchemy that changed me, changed the way I look at you and binds me with an unwavering thankfulness towards you.

“This is not a goodbye, my darling, this is a thank you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go.
I love you.” — Nicholas Sparks (Message in a Bottle)

Hugs, love and thanks, as many as you want! A last smile, with all the streaks on my face passionately collecting and clasping together to create it only for YOU!

Yours, with a grateful heart…

Miss Broon…

The poem is inspired from an instance of savouring melted chocolate with someone. The poem depicts this beautiful experience using a metaphor of the story of love between miss broon(chocolate, brown) and mr noon(afternoon). And the rest you can easily get!! 🙂

Skidoosh!

morning whooshed, in rush,

unaware of the crush, between noon,

and miss broon, sweet, supple and melting soon,

 

Oh, the lonely miss broon, you changed so soon,

I remember you were livid, you were rigid, you were frigid,

when you were lone, in that chamber, so cold, so vapid,

 

Oh, the lucky miss broon, we unshackled you so soon,

we brought you under the sun, where you met with mr noon,

and when he touched, you blushed, you thawed, you turned into a slush,

 

Oh, the happy miss broon, you fell in love with mr noon,

we loved you this way, we saw you both sway, to that corner,

silent and warmer, the sound of squeeze, squelch and licks, simply, no tricks,

 

Thank you miss broon, why your tryst with mr noon ended so soon,

the splash of your love, which fell on my cuff, reminds me of you,

you made my day, I will have you, once more, very soon, with mr noon

Frailty of Flirting…

That tingling and tenacious, half love and half mischief filled sensation, rising up from a corner in the heart, shaping and spreading, until it hits a neural cell in the brain, and then we flirt or fail! How many times you had a sweet bite of flirting and how many times you blew it off? A smile, slyly.

The desire to flirt is the desire to connect with someone with an adventurous outset that can end up tenderly or tragically both. It spawns when we see a person and he or she gently touches or roughly tickles a sweet spot in us. We suddenly start wanting to invade his or her decorum of personality and presence, and buy a ticket, with the initial conversation or act, to a journey of uncharted and fictional romantic experiences, and in a jiffy our imagination and fear both start to grow wings if she happens to respond with a smile, coyly. Victor Hugo writes it with a blatant charm,

“You are adorable, mademoiselle. I study your feet with the microscope and your soul with the telescope.” ~ Victor Hugo, Les Miserables

I wonder why our steps stagger, eyelashes flicker and body flinches at such a moment and we fail. It’s a matter of courage, such a trite answer! We fail because of the fear of the clash of our egos, the defeat on defending it, the unconscious disposition to be strategic in everything we pursue and the failing of it, the doubt in our ability to make a joyful and innocent connection, the lack of confidence in our sexuality, and the unwieldy rush of thoughts of expectations and rejection both, and many times just because one believes that flirting is against his or her ethics. Essentially, it is the lack of openness and the load of fluffiness that hinders us to form a true connection.

Flirting is bad, a nuisance, and a crummy way of treating people. Definitions and more definitions that have infested our minds! I wonder how a connotation brewed up by people and attached to a word can influence our intentions, howsoever genuine and beautiful they are, only because that word also pops up in our mind as soon as the intention does in heart. Then starts the war of thoughts, an epic battle between Should and Should Not, that our attention is so fond of and is fetched into in a trice. Flirting is not just passing rash remarks on someone or show of ones antics or a mean to quell ones neediness or loneliness. It is approaching and meeting someone as it is, with whatever is flowing in ones heart at that moment, dropping all the armors to defend oneself, enjoy the inception of a connection and let it go if he or she is not resonating with you and feeling coerced.

We are beautiful people and I don’t intend to call any kind of malicious mischief or derogatory doing towards anyone as flirting. In fact, flirting is an act of love out of an innocent desire to experience a human connection with some risk and some fun. It seems that the fabric which we are made of was first deeply marinated in the potion of love before giving it any form and hence what we attract towards is very unique to our fabrics but the desire to immerse in that oneness is immense and inherent in all of us and human body and mind are two consummate facilitators to it.

At the core, as consciousness, we are fearless beings, ready to take up any adventure, hence a desire can sprout in us even without our permission. After this, based on our societal and genetical conditioning of believes, morals, ethics and delusions we start to dampen or empower our desires. We must realize that desires are very powerful fractal of life and they are precursors to any kind of physical manifestation that takes place. Sometime let a desire arise in you defying gravity, feel it flowing through your spine, feel vulnerable at your heart when it reaches there, bear the bombarding of arguments of mind, burn yourself in your desire, and if it is just the spurting of your needy and lacking mind it will turn into ashes, otherwise what remains is a true desire, red and glistening. Feel the desire to flirt when it is there, and flirt, and get flirted too, enjoy both sides of the table. A grin, affectionately.

Can you see the beauty in flirting tearing the veils on your eyes? Lets approach and meet a stranger next time with a brutal honesty of intention and innocence. Lets not get strategic for a while and defend our masks, lets not talk things that we do to avoid talking things that can touch us deeply, that can catch us off the gaurd, in front of our fears, naked. Lets snuggle down in the lap of life, shed our pretensions, heal our imbalances, and our eyes become chalice of truth, face become a caressing invitation, words become mirrors, and the presence become perfume of love. Lets fall into the lightness of flirting without falling apart, lets succumb to that inborn calling for charm. Lets flirt some and fly some. Lets flirt just because we want to, for its simplicity, for the joy of it. Some beautiful lines from Janice,

“He flashed the warmest smile I’d ever seen, and my heart felt comforted. Maybe he saw my insecurities, my fears. Maybe he knew God still had a lot of work to do in my life before I’d be good girlfriend material. Or maybe, just maybe, he saw beyond all that and simply wanted to flirt with me instead of rehearse for the big night.

I did my best to relax…and let him.”  ~ Janice Thompson, Fools Rush In

Parents, Love, and Life…

Do you love your parents? If yes, that’s beautiful. But if you are faking it out that you love them, just because it buoys up your good personality or keeps your means greased while in your heart, deep inside, you want to blame them for so many things in your life, unconsciously, you are fueling a feeling of “rejection” inside you. I used to love my parents in my childhood, before entering into this complicated life, when I didn’t even know what did the word love mean because it was so natural and was the essence of living then. As the time rolled by, I got deeper and deeper into the abyss of life, struggling, pretending outside that everything is moving awesomely fine while fearing inside to pip out of my conditioning and know my heart and live a life that quenches its desires, a life that is extremely unique in its expression, not comparable even to the most successful or enlightened person in the world. Gradually, somewhere I started to relate some of my problems to my parents. It was very subtle, but it was there and a feeling of apathy towards them kept growing in me. The love and compassion for them was fading out while I was totally busy in my own bubble shaping my future, solving my puzzles and aloof of their pain. It was so difficult to put both I and my parents in my measurements and move ahead. Career, love, life, friends, search of meaning, social contribution, and parents among all of this, what a bitter concoction to taste, as it seemed then!

It might be astounding to know that most of us live very unconsciously, acting as per our programmed mind, struggling to fit in the patterns and deriving our dreams and desires based on the race we feel we are running in. It so happens then that whatever we pursue, be it profession, relationship or entertainment it becomes a mean to find a sense of completeness that we always feel we are missing within instead of pursuing them for the simple joy of their experience. A sense of neediness arises in us and we become slaves to our external experiences or expressions for our happiness without realizing that they are very impermanent in nature. This grips our parents too, and generally, what feels like love from our parents is actually their unconscious attachment and their dependency on us for their happiness. Sometimes their world becomes so constricted to us that they compromise their lives to fulfill our dreams and at the same time oppose everything that seems to be risking their sense of security in their relationship with us. In fact, parents have more share in our risks than our rewards. For an example, suppose you get a good hike in your salary, your parents get very happy while when you go and ask them that you want to go for sky-diving or you want to marry a girl or boy whom you love but they hate, they will stand on their toes to prevent you in doing so. Though their intentions are never bad, they are always as innocent as they are, but without awareness even those prove to be lethal and act as a bottleneck to what aligns to your true desires. At a point this nosiness and clinginess starts to evoke a sense of rejection in us towards them, that’s why we come to know so many cases, specially outside India, where people leave their parents altogether or put their aging parents in outside care facilities. What happens to our capability to love and be compassionate in such cases? I wondered sometime ago.

What should we do with our parents then? I was troubled with this question, and for the fear of being frazzled of not being able to find an answer, I always avoided it. How could I forgive them for all that they did and do unknowingly? As a human, I did not have enough compassionate space in me to accommodate them. I could not love and accept them as they were with all their silliness and infatuation for me. I tried to love them, but love is such a deal that we can not force it, we can not pick things and start loving them one by one because then it becomes a matter of maths and we are always going to leave few things in counting. We can find love only within, love that is all encompassing and then it does not remain a commodity of our entertainment which we keep losing and finding every once and while. If you allow me to digress slightly, I would say that it happened only when I turned inward out of some fierce life situations, which now in hindsight seems like blessings, and realized the completeness and spaciousness that I already was, that my whole perspective towards everything and my parents was shifted. I felt a sense of oneness among all the things, and found them to be very unique at the same time. Realizing the fact that from absolute perspective, everything is a play of consciousness, life became less serious, but at the same time, from relative sense, I knew that we are here to participate fully in life by being open to all the aspects of our humanness, be it happiness, sadness, anger, hatred etc. Everything that is happening in this world is already deeply accepted by life, otherwise it would have not even been happening. But it does not mean that we should become zombies and become unable to respond. In fact, when we are aware of us as consciousness and also know that we are breathing and engaged in life in reality we become fearless to participate in it and are also gracefully endowed with all its innate qualities like love, joy and peace, they do not remain something to chase then. With only this change or rather knowing my true nature for the first time, my feelings for my parents were alchemized drastically, all the rejection was swallowed by the compassion that flowered within, I started to listen them more than reacting, the pinch was changed to pleasure and I started wanting to be with them and spend some beautiful time together. Yet there was an inner freedom to pursue anything even amidst all the expectations and resistance they were trying to impose. May be initially they will feel disappointed if I break their expectations, but with time they will know that I’m more with the truth and I have changed, and I still love them, even more than before. I can be with them or without them, it becomes a conscious choice based on my heart calling, it does not remain a compulsion because now I know that what is good for each of us is also good for the world. We are not existing here independently, it’s all weaved in one, connected, tangled and functioning with an unshakable harmony.

I love my parents and I love everything else too. Life is happening here and now, as it is, beautifully and beatifically. Don’t resist or repress anything, wear an attitude of brash openness to your thoughts, emotions, events, ideas and actions and they will start to fall in balance as they come in close contact with life. We must realize that we are not here to “fix” our lives, we are here to enjoy it with all its shades. Sit with your parents sometime, shedding all your ideas and concepts about them and touch their innocence. Get consumed sometime in their love that is beyond their words and intentions. Can you open your heart beyond your imagination? Did something knock in your heart reading the lines below?

“Love Your Parents. We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old.”

Grace.