Rape – The Heinous Hunt

(This post is an attempt to look into the rape a bit deeply and objectively.)

I was aghast to listen the news of a young girl being gang raped in a bus in New Delhi. What worse and daring inhumane incident can be expected in the capital of India. I watched over news and all the channels were spilling the crime case over and over again, conducting inconsequential debates with feminists and activists, and collecting strong emotional reactions of people e.g. victims should be castrated or even lynched. Among all this, I was brooding on the lackadaisical attitude of police and politicians, preventive measures that should be exercised by society and individuals, but along with this some questions unsettled me even more.

The Animal in Hunt

Why someone rapes and what are the deep and dark reasons that hide in his psyche? 

As fact says, 50% of rapists do not ejaculate or reach orgasm during rape, it is easy to understand that roots of a rape also lie beyond sexual gratification. Scientifically, it is the intense pent-up of emotional energies in the dimension of hatred, anger and sexuality, and the unconscious and misguided thinking or believes that can lead one to rape. In different cases reasons can be different, but they are always some of the below.

Deformed Sexuality

Realistically, sexuality is a natural aspect of life but we misperceive it when we look at it through the prism of religion and society. Thus, over the time we have created many rules and customs which are rooted in misbelieves and restrict a balanced expression of this dimension in us. Many of us live in conditions where sex and talking about sex is a taboo, we are brought up in a way which cripples us to connect with women in a frank, respectful and loving manner. This ever increasing chasm among men and women and the continuous suppression of sexual desires stores a huge lot of hang-up in us which seeks to vent out when it becomes unbearable and met with conducive circumstances.

Hatred for Women and Gender Inequality

Men are sterner sex and are entitled to use, domineer or harm the weaker sex. Many of us inherit this misbelief in our lifetime, sometimes from our ancestors, sometimes we learn it from the environment that belittles women, and sometimes when we fall in emotional love with a woman and are betrayed. In countries like South Africa where a woman is raped every 13 seconds, the whole social fabric festers from such an abhorrence. It shouldn’t surprise us for this insidious hatred to become an invidious deed at the flip of a thought when someone is seething with such a scorn.

Anger and Frustration from Life and People

Life is not easy when you distrust it, feel orphaned by it and continue to live unconsciously and fight to make things your way. In that struggle, many people close themselves to the extent that they start using misbehavior and violence as a social skill. They are frustrated and feel a meaninglessness in their lives and keep themselves engaged with ego-lifting conversations, squabbles and wrongdoings to cover it up and can be instantly hurt if their emotional and sexual advances are denied by a woman. Rape can as easily become a mean to drain their anger and frustration as any other crime for them.

Spite and Revenge

When a man is cheated by a women or when he is not reciprocated equally, many times, all his love turns into retribution. While everyone else moves ahead with his or her business he keeps stewing a feeling of spite. You must have listened people passing a flip comment or a cuss word among friends about their intention of doing something harmful with the girl who cheated him. Also, for the people with low self-esteem and imbalanced ego, even a small spat with a woman can inflict and fill them with a feeling to avenge.

Demoralizing Social and Life Conditions

The world is full of wretched conditions but people live in them. Poverty, unemployment, health and relationship issues, glint of happiness are scarcely seen in their lives. A sense of helplessness and hopelessness constantly looms in. In such a situation, stealing a moment of instant gratification by raping someone when the urge becomes uncontrollable doesn’t seem to be a big deal. Many women and young girls who live in such conditions are also raped because of low chances of reprisal from their families. On the other side, in metro cities, corruption, fearlessness, irresponsible authority, permissiveness etc. become the reason for a high social status brat to rape a girl and escape.

Shutting Down of Sensitivity and Empathy

When striving to survive, being a puppet in the hands of society and religion, seeing the shallowness of behavior even in the so called normal people, seeing woman being disrespected and disparaged every once and while, we become cold and start to forget to understand other’s feelings. We disregard that having intercourse with someone without her consent is not a pleasurable experience to her. Co-existing and co-creating with women becomes almost an impossibility for us when we close ourselves to them. A woman crying, being wounded, tolerating pain, and undergoing immense humiliation, even all of this fails to touch such people beyond their skins. As dead as a stone in those moments, they become heartless human.

The Healing

How to hinder such heinous acts? 

You can clearly see that the drive to commit a rape starts from the inside of a person. Only outside influences are not responsible for it. Leave a man and a woman alone in a room and it is highly unlikely that he would rape her. Outside actions like punishing the victim severely, increasing women’s security, police getting more active in arresting any eve teaser or offender has a value, but improving the over all social fabric, filling that vacuum of love, compassion and joy, and taking people to a conscious and better living is immensely needed. I believe that it starts from you, you taking the responsibility of your way of living completely, aligning to the dimension of love and joy, and then when you will touch the lives of others in any way possible, as simple as talking to someone, that has an alchemy in it.

It’s simple to realize that society is just an idea, we can not hold and change it for better. Only when the people change and their living change, our perception of society becomes better. Lets try to touch and heal lives in our daily business and lets those who feel inspired go the whole hog into the business of changing lives. Lets see through any misconceptions we have about women and lets women also give men some space for a connection instead of considering men as disloyal or immoral beings, if they do.

I feel more than happiness we need awareness and in this world of internet and communication spreading awareness is easier than ever before. I understand that betterment can not happen in a day, it will take time, but the message of love and compassion needs to reach out to people because that is the only thing that can tell them a sweet story even in the mid of a chaos!

And remember, rape is a horrible failure to remain human, we must do everything to stop it.

Mercy or Malice

How a rapist should be deemed? 

The first reaction comes as he should be hanged to death! But I pondered, and felt that it is not just him who is responsible, so many things like his social conditions, upbringing, unconscious living have come together to make him do this. When I look at it from a very personal perspective it feels like he is the culprit and deserves no mercy, but when I look at it from bigger environmental context that also includes the person, I feel we should give him a chance for rehabilitation. With an open heart you can see that if there is a reason to feel compassionate towards victim, there is also a reason to feel compassionate towards culprit.

I can empathize that it would never be easy for those who are close to victim and who have suffered, to give even a shred of softheartedness, specially in the spur of those moments, still we are all human and one, and I can hope only for the righteous thing to happen when the time comes.

The Prey

What lies ahead for the victim? 

I have no idea but I can feel that that time must be extremely agonizing for a woman and the time thereafter that bears a mark of disgrace on her. I do not know what can soothe her at such times, but I feel if just one of us without any pretense can make his or her presence feel her closely, if just one of us is able to hear her story of pain and grief without reacting and let her pour her heart out with the tears if they drop, with the wailing if it happens, she will be lightened, she will be able to touch that emotional abyss whereon path to revival passes through.

In the end, honestly, it is her journey, and she must be able to come back to life instead of closing herself to life if we will pray and be with her.

The Inevitability

Why the nature or existence allows such seemingly intolerable happenings and will never let us eradicate them completely even with our continuous struggle?

All that we do we do for a dream of a world where there would be no rapes, wars, murders or any other wrongdoing, and we have seen this dream as long as we have existed, but it never happened, it has always been a chimera! History that is rife with such barbarous incidents is a proof of it. As soon as we feel we have removed something bad from the world, God or nature or consciousness add some more of it and we again become busy in removing it and this goes on as if it is a play and consciousness is enjoying it. What is good or bad is good or bad only to us, through our perception, but it is the way it is to the consciousness, an element of the game. Life does not asses anything.

If it is a play, it has to happen between opposite energies, the light and the dark, the yin and the yang, and thus both are innate and undetachable fractals of expression of consciousness, and thus result into the existence of so called good and bad things in the world. But should we stop after this realization and sit slack, do nothing? No, you are here to enjoy the journey of life, there can not be any other purpose. Even with all you serious intentions and aspirations, sorrow and struggle, pain and love, cruelty and compassion, it has to be lived the humanly way, remaining connected with that space of silence at the same time from where wisdom and inspiration comes in.

Hence we must do whatever is in our control to reduce rapes, and in that experience may be we can experience aliveness, the true togetherness of humans, our uniqueness, and that infinite peace and silence and then may be, realistically, even if our hopes are not met, we have served our purpose.

Visualize, Create, Deliver.

(Through this post I have shared some thoughts on the key principle “Visualize, Create, Deliver” which my friend’s organization Auriga IT (http://www.aurigait.com/) follows avidly. With a crackerjack young team, they design and develop beautiful web and mobile products.)

Visualize 

“Imagination is the highest form of research.”  — Albert Einstein

Visualization is imagining and using your existing knowledge cohesively to give shape to an idea or a product in your thoughts. It is creating a mental blueprint of something, with the vision you hold, with the inspiration that flows through you, and with the information you have, even before the actual creation happens. The value of visualization is immense in the whole creation process and it can be productively used when working on a full-fledged product with a large scope or on just a tiny component of it. It gives you something concrete to start on to with some clarity on your action and direction, it saves your time that you spend on physical iterations or reworks, and most of all it opens door to newness and innovation that can come about only through imagination.

Believe me, use it once, taste it once, and you will find that this is where real power of creation emerges. Visualization should be the precursor of every action you take, be it creating a strategy, developing and writing code for a module tactically, designing a website or application that has originality, or any other idea that you work on for the organization or on personal level. It will give you wings and will add a beautiful dimension to your creativity!

Visualizing something is not only a brain’s feat. The true power of visualization is realized when you sometimes do not struggle for it and let the inspiration seep in through the gaps among your thoughts, and if then combined with your mind’s intelligence, exquisite things can happen! Hence it is important to relax and give some space to your mind from the continuous shooting of thoughts sometimes, that helps connect you to the nature’s intelligence and hones your imagination.

Create

“Everything must be made as simple as possible. But not simpler.”  — Albert Einstein

So it is time to fold the sleeves up and get your hands dirty! Creation involves thinking, executing, communicating, collaborating, and giving your idea a physical form that can be seen, experienced, assessed and used. Creation comes with a purpose and it is utterly important to understand it. After all what we are creating here is not an “art” that gives us only a self-fulfilling experience, our piece of creation is to be used by the people, it is meant to facilitate and make a task easier and richer in experience for the users, it has to fit in the financial budget and time drawn upon for it, and it has also to meet the hopes and interests of business owners. Certainly, it is a challenge to bring a balance among all these but that is what motivates you when you place the pieces of jigsaw together and that is what brings about a meticulously crafted product or strategy which is delight to use for people or to showcase for the organization.

Create with heart, let the intuition trickle in, take help of your mind and existing knowledge, work smoothly and openly with people and understand your work in totality, not just as a piece in vacuum acting independently. Put yourself in the user’s shoes and then know the impact of what you are going to create, and believe me, that will motivate you a lot. As they say, beauty lies in details, consider small things, consider their role in the big picture, enquire how can they be made better, in fact enquire how can they be made “wow”!

Naturally, you can not work with the same energy and motivation all the time. It’s a humanly limitation. At such times, I feel, instead of forcing yourself to work and thus creating a lot of resistance inside, you should relax and give yourself some time and after a period of rest you can work in full swing and efficiently. It is not a matter of working hard, it is about working naturally, be it too much or too less. Though it is my understanding, you are free to disprove!

Deliver

“Nothing happens until something moves.” — Albert Einstein

It is time for the trial. It is time for your creation to land in the real world and be tested. In this world of hurry and changing technology and needs, it is important to be able to deliver quickly, involve important people in gaining feedback, and then iterate and adapt. It’s a simple realization that you can not create “perfection” based on “assumptions”. Yes, you have done your work till now only based on logical assumptions! Only when the users use your creation in real world you come to validate your assumptions and improvise accordingly. So some quickness in delivering work has a value. Don’t dawdle too much, work smartly and push your work in waters briskly.

Oh, I love quoting Einstein words, they are human, humorous and honest! And no one dares to contradict them. 😉

“Creativity is intelligence having fun.” — Albert Einstein

A letter to a loved one…

(This is a random letter to express a heartfelt thank to a loved one for her unfading touch, unmoving time and the undying trust, even amidst the difficult time she was living on with…)

It seems to be the appropriate time to thank you when today I feel our ways breaking away, a sadness shadowing inside me, tears approaching to eyelids and I feeling to let them fall, brain persistently questioning the happenings around, and yet heart snuggled beside me and saying the secret that love is not slender, it is substantial.

Both of us know the story of past that how it started with an infatuation, grew into an obsession and then turned into a deeper realization that what loving someone truly means. It’s the last part that brought me to bow to you for your grace and fired a light of love in me that will not douse even in the wildest winds. It’s the wake up call that you stirred up in me to come out of the story I was living in and see things as they were beyond the veils on my eyes. Speaking scientifically, I had vented out all the unnecessary cache of emotional imbalances by allowing them instead of suppressing during this course. Now the love for you was not an aching madness, it was an utter joy!

It’s also not so that I was free of all the humanly pain, but now I could welcome it as it is without letting it affect my peace and sanity. I felt a sense of oneness and sensed that loving you is no different than loving myself or loving anyone in the universe because it is all the same, and in parallel this feeling that loving someone uniquely and selfishly is also a beautiful human experience also entered in. Paradox, as it may sound, words can not suffice to make you believe unless you experience it yourself. I could also see through the lack oriented ideas projected by my mind that if I will lose you I will be doomed or I will not get any better relationship in future, and that’s why all the clinginess that I was imposing on you earlier. But by nature life is not lacking, it is abundant of experiences, experiences that aligns to your natural make up and desires! It’s only our imbalanced believes that make us feel stuck and resist the unfolding of life’s natural expression through us. Thus, all this gave me the power to love and let go at the same time and look at things from broader or cosmic context rather than limited and personal. This was also the reversal of the “place” where my desires were coming from e.g. before I wanted to be with you to quell my lonliness and now out of simple joy of it, before I was enforcing love on you out of desperation and now I simply loved you without conditions, before I felt that it will be the end of my sufferings if we happen to be together and now I feel it will be the start of a creative journey where both of us can participate in actualizing our dreams, and, before I wished my happiness with you and now I wish your happiness with anyone. I can talk on and on on this, but you will be bored, I know! So stopping here with a fondly smile for you!

Reminding of smiles, they have been the unfailing companion in our encounters, but I could also feel the pain that was behind your smiles. Unsaid and unexpressed, you have been hiding it, bearing it all all alone. Time has been troublesome for you since you left this place, and I also felt a pinch of it and a flutter that when it will end for you. You know , since the time we have met half of my all heartbeats timings have been assigned only for wishing for you! Wondering that there are so many things in this world to wish for and yet I am choosing you, yes, love is a selfish deal!

The connection we share with each other is beautiful. You happen to grace me with a dream and a loving sensation that allays all my woes whenever we talk or meet and I know you also love the smell of our togetherness. The friendship, the frankness and the flirtatiousness, I feel lucky for every flair of it. I least care for our connection’s culmination, but I deeply desire to cherish it in any form and endlessly. Still, girl, I couldn’t understand your heart quite. I couldn’t see its intentions clearly. May be it is not needed, may be all the confusion is to be embraced as it is, or maybe it holds something for us in the coming time. I’m smiling you know, and cunningly too!

When I imagine you today, I see you tied in shackles, while I want to see you as a free bird. Honestly, I will also not flatter you by saying that outside circumstances or people are responsible for all this because now I know that outside is just the reflection of your inside, so in essence, only you are responsible for the way you feel. Instead of taking the stories of your mind too seriously and personal, try to find who “you” are beyond stories, ever in peace, ever in love, and caressing everything be it your fear, pain, joy or love. It’s very obvious that unless you know your heart, you can’t make choices and you will keep dawdling. I used to be very weak in making choices and that’s why I left so many jobs out of boredom and confusion creeping in. But now I can take decisions consciously e.g. I recently visited my books wishlist in Amazon and scrapped off eighty percent books that I had saved for reading because I instantly knew that I didn’t want to read them. All I’m saying is that stop struggling, relax, face and know yourself, and come out of your bubble to enjoy the present which is a present given to you by life. There is no better or worse way of living, it just is and you withhold its blatant expression within you. Even the lives of a crippled beggar and a crowned emperor are not to be compared, both are beautiful in their own accord.

You are so beautiful, and loving you is so easy that even if you try to break my heart thousand times, only more and more light will gush out of it with the crevice getting larger with every strike you pound. So please, unhesitatingly, do it freely and whenever you want! And, I’m not kidding! I just wish that in doing that you could cheer as a flower, you could fall as the rain, you could fly as the singing bird, you could float as free waves and you could waft as far as breeze takes you. Another smile, with some wizardry!

I know you are a strong and mature girl, so you won’t be gullibly and emotionally influenced by my words and poetic appreciation, though you can enjoy it and see the truth in it yourself! I also intend not to influence you by any mean, it is just that today my heart is feeling low and wants you to know your own alchemy that changed me, changed the way I look at you and binds me with an unwavering thankfulness towards you.

“This is not a goodbye, my darling, this is a thank you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go.
I love you.” — Nicholas Sparks (Message in a Bottle)

Hugs, love and thanks, as many as you want! A last smile, with all the streaks on my face passionately collecting and clasping together to create it only for YOU!

Yours, with a grateful heart…